I sit for the GRE in about 36 hours. Terrible. My shoulders are locked up six inches above where they normally sit. I ran a 5K this afternoon just to avoid algebraic equations. Yay for the run, boo for the quadratic equation. I'll never need to find inverse angles in an isosoles triangle EVER AGAIN (shit, I can't even spell isosoles!) I took a "real" practice test given by the people who actually administer the GRE this afternoon. I scored higher on the math section. I think in all my worrying about equations and statistics I let my vocabulary completely fade into oblivion. Terrible.
It'll be over soon. Until then I am eating my perfected vegan chocolate chip cookies with wreckless abandon (I did do all that running after all) and listening to Zooey Deschanel's new album, which soothes my aching heart. I am pretty sure my four-months vegan anniversary came and went. I'm pretty proud of myself.
"What can you do with a sentimental heart?" - zooey deschanel, "Sentimental Heart"
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Friday, March 21, 2008
Guts and Brains
Thanks to some ironic (or perhaps telling) timing, my greatest intellectual achievements are occurring in tandem with my greatest physical ones. And this forces to me really think about what I’d rather be valued for: my brains or my gut (or lack thereof)? It seems an easy answer, but when you’re getting attention for your physical merits (that you’ve worked very hard to achieve) for the first time in your life, it’s really intoxicating. Having people tell me how great I look and how cool it is that I work so hard (most folks know that I spin, and I run, and I have a personal trainer – and if you don’t know that, now you do) is really amazing and never ceases to feel good (though I am often embarrassed by the “how much weight have you lost” question). My dear cousin even said I should be in People Magazine the other day, which really got me thinking about how far I’ve come. And even though the feminist in me knows that my brain and my heart are what really counts, I’d be lying if I said a smaller waistline wasn’t pretty great as well.
I hope in time I can reconcile the two new versions of myself – the inside and the outside – and figure how to live what seems (on some days) a completely new life. And what I do know is, it’s a better life, a healthier one. For my brain and my body, and I guess that’s what counts.
I hope in time I can reconcile the two new versions of myself – the inside and the outside – and figure how to live what seems (on some days) a completely new life. And what I do know is, it’s a better life, a healthier one. For my brain and my body, and I guess that’s what counts.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Healing Yourself.
School is amazing. Every Monday at 9pm when class is over and we still all sit around for a while longer and talk and then some of us stand around outside and talk some more and then sadly part ways to drive home, I feel so invigorated. Sharing my thoughts and my time and listening to all of these amazing like-minded women is really like nothing I have ever experienced. I’m in awe of how safe we all feel to share personal stories that relate to our women’s health readings and to bare our souls to virtual strangers each week. We grow closer as the weeks pass, of course, but still our unadulterated divulging delights me each week.
I told myself when I started grad school that I had to be alright with it going nowhere (meaning, I might get a Master’s degree and never use it). And I know for sure now that it would be perfectly fine if I never went further in my studies, and never used my degree professionally. Though I think I will do both, I would be just as happy for just having had this experience. There is a lot to be said for personal enrichment.
In other news, I’m on my third week of working with a personal trainer. I now go to the gym almost every day of the week. For a girl who used to hate the thought of belonging to a gym…well, I’ve come a long way. Laurie has even agreed to let me run with her. I’ve been practicing on the treadmill, but I am sure I’ll still slow her down. Hopefully my company will make up for it
I told myself when I started grad school that I had to be alright with it going nowhere (meaning, I might get a Master’s degree and never use it). And I know for sure now that it would be perfectly fine if I never went further in my studies, and never used my degree professionally. Though I think I will do both, I would be just as happy for just having had this experience. There is a lot to be said for personal enrichment.
In other news, I’m on my third week of working with a personal trainer. I now go to the gym almost every day of the week. For a girl who used to hate the thought of belonging to a gym…well, I’ve come a long way. Laurie has even agreed to let me run with her. I’ve been practicing on the treadmill, but I am sure I’ll still slow her down. Hopefully my company will make up for it
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Last night I (finally!) had my second meeting of class. The second week was cancelled because we were to go see Maya Angelou speak on campus (didn't go - long story), and the third week was Martin Luther King Jr. Day. So, last night we all finally gathered to talk about our readings on sexism and racism. The class basically went like this: someone started talking and then no one in the room ever shut up. It was this incredibly classy elbow-throwing conversation in which 15 incredibly different people (who have intelligence and open-mindedness in common) all tried to weigh in on subjects from acculturation’s affect on healthcare access to the cultural construction of gender. My head was spinning on the drive home. I had to stay up half the night reading one of the YA novels Aunt Jane gave me for Christmas so I could stop thinking about how white, sheltered, and privileged I am.
Next week we talk about global health and economics.
Tonight I am going to see Eric Hutchinson open for One Republic (I'm into both) at the State Theatre. I love seeing bands in small venues, even though I'm getting a bit too old to rock it until very late on a weeknight. Ha.
Right now I'm cleaning up my office so I can meet Max Mayfield in a minute.
Next week we talk about global health and economics.
Tonight I am going to see Eric Hutchinson open for One Republic (I'm into both) at the State Theatre. I love seeing bands in small venues, even though I'm getting a bit too old to rock it until very late on a weeknight. Ha.
Right now I'm cleaning up my office so I can meet Max Mayfield in a minute.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Let the games begin...
Sping semester got underway this week. I had my first real graduate course (well in Women's Studies that is), on Monday night. The course is called Women's Health and Politics. The reading level is really intense (I went through all the assigned readings for this week to get a rough page count for myself...and I'm guessing the page count is between 500 and 600 hundred). Mind you, this volume of reading is out of a medical journals and dense text books. None of it is an easy read. But, alas, the subject matter is all very interesting to me and though not half way through yet, I have faith that I will finish it all by Monday night.
My first class went something like this: in a small room in the basement (yes basement!) of the Faculty Office Building on the USF Tampa campus, 16 women of varying backgrounds gathered and waited quietly for Dr. Myerson (the Director of the Women's Studies Graduate Program at USF). She came in at 6 on the dot, all smiles, with hugs for her returning students, and arms full of healthy/yummy snacks to share with everyone. She explained that she always brings food to her graduate students for she is the only one being paid to sit there and that she always starts her classes off with a 5 minute meditation to help us clear our minds and join together in the room. She dimmed the lights and led us in breathing exercises and said some nice things about washing the day away and making our minds clear. And damn if I wasn't genuinely more relaxed when she was done!
We passed the hummus and carrots and fig newtons and terra chips and talked for two hours about what a "woman" is. She felt it would give us the framework for a course in women's health.
I left the room that night excited and elated and eager to get down to reading those 500 pages so I could participate in what is bound to be riveting discussion next week. I didn't even mind the 40 mile drive home...I had so much to think about, the time hardly mattered.
I'll be 30 in a matter of months. I think I found my place in the world not a moment too soon. Every woman in her own time I suppose:)
Stay tuned for school updates, GRE drama, and Presidential primary talk.
My first class went something like this: in a small room in the basement (yes basement!) of the Faculty Office Building on the USF Tampa campus, 16 women of varying backgrounds gathered and waited quietly for Dr. Myerson (the Director of the Women's Studies Graduate Program at USF). She came in at 6 on the dot, all smiles, with hugs for her returning students, and arms full of healthy/yummy snacks to share with everyone. She explained that she always brings food to her graduate students for she is the only one being paid to sit there and that she always starts her classes off with a 5 minute meditation to help us clear our minds and join together in the room. She dimmed the lights and led us in breathing exercises and said some nice things about washing the day away and making our minds clear. And damn if I wasn't genuinely more relaxed when she was done!
We passed the hummus and carrots and fig newtons and terra chips and talked for two hours about what a "woman" is. She felt it would give us the framework for a course in women's health.
I left the room that night excited and elated and eager to get down to reading those 500 pages so I could participate in what is bound to be riveting discussion next week. I didn't even mind the 40 mile drive home...I had so much to think about, the time hardly mattered.
I'll be 30 in a matter of months. I think I found my place in the world not a moment too soon. Every woman in her own time I suppose:)
Stay tuned for school updates, GRE drama, and Presidential primary talk.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
2007: A year in review
A list!!!
2007: A Year in Review
1. What is one thing you did in 2007 that you'd never done before? Experienced veganism.
2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I didn’t make any, nor do I ever.
3. Did someone close to you give birth? Leslie Burket!
4. Did anyone close to you die? People close to my family yes – Uncle Dick and Jennifer Jones.
5. What countries did you visit? None! I think my international travels are an every-other-year thing…so I guess I better get planning this year.
6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007? I think I want to get my own place. I love my mother, but I also love my privacy.
7. What days from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? The day my grandmother went into the hospital. My first day of school. My 29th birthday. The day Drew went into the hospital.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Going back to school. I am very proud of myself for finally doing something I’ve wanted to do for many years.
9. What was your biggest failure? I’ve done pretty alright this year. I’ve been good to my family and personally been moving in the right direction.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I almost cut my thumb off…still paying those bills, but nothing serious. It was just everyone around me who decided to almost die.
11. What was the best thing you bought? My health. It hasn’t been cheap, but worth it.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? My grandmother has been very strong and resilient this year!
13. Whose behavior made you appalled? I could start a list of strangers that could go on forever, starting with our President, but I’ll stick to people I know…and in that arena I can’t really think of anyone. Well actually I can, but I’m not into mudslinging in my journal.
14. Where did most of your money go? Paying off my debt…which it took me more than seven years to do…but it’s done. I do not have one credit card with one balance to my name. It’s an amazing accomplishment.
15. What did you get really, really excited about? Being debt free, and going back to school.
16. What song will always remind you of 2007? I love this question…but it’s so tough. Let’s see…oh gosh I know, Amos Lee’s “Supply and Demand”.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or hardened? Both, but happier if I had to choose.
ii. thinner or fatter? Thinner! Thank goodness.
iii. richer or poorer? Better off financially for sure.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of? I always wished I’d traveled more and I also wished I’d communicated more in a couple of the relationships in my life. I can see now that I’ve gone too far down a dark road to turn around. And I think talking along the way could have fixed that.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Whine. I felt like my family was having a really bad year and I realize now I whined about that a lot. No one likes a whiner.
20. What was your favorite TV program? I didn’t really love anything that much this year.
23. What was the best book you read? Olivia…which was one of my text books for my class but also a very well written book about a very amazing women who’s led the most horrific life and managed to turn it around.
24. What was your greatest musical discovery? I think that would have to be the Everybodyfields.
25. What did you want and get? A return to school.
26. What did you want and not get? An apartment.
27. Favorite film of this year? I have seriously seen so few movies this year it’s pathetic…I can’t even think of one to jot down here.
28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 29 and I went out bar hopping downtown with friends and it was really surprisingly fun.
29. What kept you sane? My friends. I marvel constantly at the amazing relationships I have in my life. My friends and family are just amazing.
30. Who was the best new person you met? Easy – Dr. Marilyn Myerson…she is the director of the graduate program I am studying in and she is so completely amazing. She is everything I didn’t know I wanted to be in this life. I can’t wait to start taking her women’s health seminar next week. I’m so nervous!
2007: A Year in Review
1. What is one thing you did in 2007 that you'd never done before? Experienced veganism.
2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I didn’t make any, nor do I ever.
3. Did someone close to you give birth? Leslie Burket!
4. Did anyone close to you die? People close to my family yes – Uncle Dick and Jennifer Jones.
5. What countries did you visit? None! I think my international travels are an every-other-year thing…so I guess I better get planning this year.
6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007? I think I want to get my own place. I love my mother, but I also love my privacy.
7. What days from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? The day my grandmother went into the hospital. My first day of school. My 29th birthday. The day Drew went into the hospital.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Going back to school. I am very proud of myself for finally doing something I’ve wanted to do for many years.
9. What was your biggest failure? I’ve done pretty alright this year. I’ve been good to my family and personally been moving in the right direction.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I almost cut my thumb off…still paying those bills, but nothing serious. It was just everyone around me who decided to almost die.
11. What was the best thing you bought? My health. It hasn’t been cheap, but worth it.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? My grandmother has been very strong and resilient this year!
13. Whose behavior made you appalled? I could start a list of strangers that could go on forever, starting with our President, but I’ll stick to people I know…and in that arena I can’t really think of anyone. Well actually I can, but I’m not into mudslinging in my journal.
14. Where did most of your money go? Paying off my debt…which it took me more than seven years to do…but it’s done. I do not have one credit card with one balance to my name. It’s an amazing accomplishment.
15. What did you get really, really excited about? Being debt free, and going back to school.
16. What song will always remind you of 2007? I love this question…but it’s so tough. Let’s see…oh gosh I know, Amos Lee’s “Supply and Demand”.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or hardened? Both, but happier if I had to choose.
ii. thinner or fatter? Thinner! Thank goodness.
iii. richer or poorer? Better off financially for sure.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of? I always wished I’d traveled more and I also wished I’d communicated more in a couple of the relationships in my life. I can see now that I’ve gone too far down a dark road to turn around. And I think talking along the way could have fixed that.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Whine. I felt like my family was having a really bad year and I realize now I whined about that a lot. No one likes a whiner.
20. What was your favorite TV program? I didn’t really love anything that much this year.
23. What was the best book you read? Olivia…which was one of my text books for my class but also a very well written book about a very amazing women who’s led the most horrific life and managed to turn it around.
24. What was your greatest musical discovery? I think that would have to be the Everybodyfields.
25. What did you want and get? A return to school.
26. What did you want and not get? An apartment.
27. Favorite film of this year? I have seriously seen so few movies this year it’s pathetic…I can’t even think of one to jot down here.
28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 29 and I went out bar hopping downtown with friends and it was really surprisingly fun.
29. What kept you sane? My friends. I marvel constantly at the amazing relationships I have in my life. My friends and family are just amazing.
30. Who was the best new person you met? Easy – Dr. Marilyn Myerson…she is the director of the graduate program I am studying in and she is so completely amazing. She is everything I didn’t know I wanted to be in this life. I can’t wait to start taking her women’s health seminar next week. I’m so nervous!
2007: a recap
So I looked back in my old blog to see what I said around the New Year last year...and here is the entry I made right before we rang in '07:
2006 brought me...
A better sense of self.
A new career.
A new/old home.
A renewed relationship with my best friend.
A once-again-close relationship with my family (in that I get to see the more and enjoy them more again).
A belief that love often lives in the last place you look (perhaps the place you've just left).
The realization that truly nothing is better than laughing with your closest friends (even when they're far away).
What did 2006 bring you?
So here is the same thing for 2007. Oh what a difference a year can make...
2007 brought me:
Back to school...finally.
Much better health.
A love for spinning.
New friends.
Vegetarianism and the holier-than-thou attitude that goes with it:)
Lots of new books and new ideas.
A constantly-evolving version of myself.
Longer hair.
What has 2007 brought you?
2006 brought me...
A better sense of self.
A new career.
A new/old home.
A renewed relationship with my best friend.
A once-again-close relationship with my family (in that I get to see the more and enjoy them more again).
A belief that love often lives in the last place you look (perhaps the place you've just left).
The realization that truly nothing is better than laughing with your closest friends (even when they're far away).
What did 2006 bring you?
So here is the same thing for 2007. Oh what a difference a year can make...
2007 brought me:
Back to school...finally.
Much better health.
A love for spinning.
New friends.
Vegetarianism and the holier-than-thou attitude that goes with it:)
Lots of new books and new ideas.
A constantly-evolving version of myself.
Longer hair.
What has 2007 brought you?
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